What Men Really Want In Modern Relationships

Tips on what's really on men's minds when it comes to love and sex

 

Women often say that men confuse them and that they are unsure what a man is really looking for. They have tried to please them in the past and it hasn't worked so no, the man can concentrate on pleasing them or leave. If the media is to be believed, many women don't care what a man is looking for anymore because they have been empowered by their own sexuality and are comfortable in their new role as sexually liberated career woman in charge of their own destiny. In which case, as long as the man wants them, that is fine.
It doesn't matter whether that view is actually true or not. What is true is that the modern man is increasingly struggling to find his place in the world. The Armed Forces and Space programs quite rightly have very highly qualified career women working in their departments and in most aspects of industry, women excel. The old male bastions are crumbling and with them their innate self respect as well as their understanding of how they should act and what they desire.
Any woman reading this may say well it's a problem for men and they should deal with it. Absolutely, but you cannot expect miracles instantly. Generations of history dictating a man's role and function cannot be decided and altered in the space of 20 years without some fallout. Few can argue against the excitement felt by women as their empowerment continues but at the same time, one must expect issues to coincide with this. And one of those as I said is the question of understanding what the modern man is looking for.
Men have started to evolve and are starting to grasp the fact that their role may not be as it once was. "Starting" is the operative word because this does not mean that there aren't large swathes of the world where men insist on being the breadwinner and women should still remain at home rearing children. It is going to take a long time to change the world. However in our western cities a change is in full swing. Men know that to find a mate they are going to have to work harder than ever before and they are aware that women call the shots far more than ever before. But this doesn't essentially change what a man is looking for.
Okay so what is a man seeking?

• First of all a man is seeking a love-interest. This may surprise many women but men like to love and they like being loved in return. The problem is that many women come across as impassioned and cold. It is not easy to find a loving woman and it is very noticeable how many men try and hang on when they think they have found their Miss Right.

• Men are seeking a woman who is attractive to them. Women may despair that men can be so shallow and that looks could matter so much but be careful. Men aren't necessarily looking for a catwalk model and many men don't like women who weigh 80lbs. But men do want a woman who takes pride in their appearance (though not excessively). Men are proud of having a girlfriend who looks good and I don't believe any man who says otherwise.

• Men are looking for a trustworthy girl, someone they can have faith in and someone who will be there for them. This may sound like an odd thing to say, but the fact is, some women are not trustworthy and many are not faithful either. So many in fact that men are increasingly wary. That kiss at a  Christmas party may not count, or the flirtatious behavior with the gorgeous barman and in fact its all great fun and part of a woman's character. But reverse the situation and as a woman, you hate him doing the same. A man can never forgive a woman being unfaithful and so he is looking for someone who he really does trust.

• Men want to make a home eventually and are looking for a woman who will be a willing sharer in home life. Women with a sociable lifestyle are attractive because they can be relied upon to keep the social diary running in a long term relationship.

• Men are seeking women who are feminine gentle and kind because deep down the qualities that make a woman a great mother are an attraction in themselves. I am not suggesting that the man himself needs mothering, though some do, it is more the point that men seek the attributes in women that point to someone who would make a great mother to future offspring.

• Men want women with a great sense of humor. Women often come across as uptight or too bothered by too many small details. You will sometimes hear mention of a girl who is 'one of the boys'. What this means is that she is able to fit in with their humor and is sociable and fun to be with. Such women are extremely attractive to many men. Men want to have a good time and relax when not working and so their ideal partners are women who are able to do the same.

• Men are looking for women who retain their femininity and and are caring and kind. In recent years, aping men may be a female fashion statement, but it doesn't make them attractive. Whilst every woman in the world burps and farts and has the right to drink pints of beer, it doesn't necessarily attract them to the opposite sex. Women can get angry and say well men will just have to get used to it, but the issue is that they don't. They can just choose not to go for women who act in the same way as their drinking buddies.

• Men want someone who is supportive. Many women are quick to criticize men in their behavior, career and set about trying to alter them and mould them. This is a crucial mistake. Men can be manipulated yes, but they see their partnerships as support systems. The best relationships work both ways in terms of support. Where a woman is not able or willing to give that support and is too quick to criticize then she may lose her man.

• Men don't like angry women who shout. They want a woman who can debate and converse and is able to discuss. Communication is king. A fiery passionate temperament may have made you interesting and challenging on day one. But by day 500 it holds no glory whatsoever.

• Men love a challenging woman, someone who keeps them on their toes. Men are generally lazy in relationships once they feel they're in secure territory. When a man is challenged so he does something about it. If you want to keep your man interested, keep him challenged.

• Men are generally more reserved about sex than women. This is my experience is a fact. Men know what they like in bed and tend to stick to it. The adventurous sexual appetite in most men isn't there even if they are convinced it is. Men in reality are quite conservative. Sexually adventurous has nothing to do with having lots of partners and more to do with the things they will try with the same partner. In most test cases I have conducted, it is the man who looks for a quiet time in the bedroom and the woman who ultimately becomes bored.

• Men want a woman who will commit to them. Though increasingly this is hard to find, it doesn't take away the wish. Men want a girlfriend who they can share with and trust and be open with. Commitment is not a one way street and therefore men are struggling to find the levels of commitment they found previously. But the need is still there.

• Men don't want to be alone.

This column can easily fire a great debate. The fact is, a modern man is seeking a reliable, sexy, single girl with whom he can have a long term relationship with. He wants to have fun, share his life and ultimately settle down. There are a few long term bachelors but not that many. The problem guys have is that the world has changed. They don't necessarily want to have children and settle down straight away, but it will come. They do seek self-respect even if they are not the primary breadwinner and they seek respect from their partner.
While women become increasingly strong in their new roles in society, it is worth remembering that it takes, and always will take, two to tango.

 

 

Dating Rules for Women

Dating Rules for Women 

The Do's and Dont's of dating for the modern female

 

Guys: If you don't like this, look away now.
In another dating article on this site, you will find a general set of rules than men should follow when dating. In the same way, women have some general rules that they should contend with when entering the dating jungle. Now I know everyone is different, so don't take things too seriously here. There has been some controversy over some literature published in the USA that lays out in detail the rules a woman should follow to get her guy (or gal). Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider's 1995 bestseller "The Rules," explains how women should play hard if they want to get their guy. I can understand why some groups would be hostile about this, but the fact is that when we grow up, there are a predefined set of dating rules. What happens is that we forget most of them after the age of 21, and then realize we need to relearn them.
I wish there weren't any general rules, but courtship is a ritual. There are things that we make happen that excite, stimulate, create interest and confound. Dating is a long test of compatibility. Are we perfectly matched? If we just threw ourselves together, then the chances of long term happiness might be compromised. And yet previous generations managed to succeed on a far less complex courtship criteria list. Many arranged marriages work all too interestingly.
In every society there are a predefined set of social rules we follow, from the way and timing of eating to the way we behave in public. The issue here is that when women date, there are some things that can help them be more successful. If we accept that dating is a game, then there are rules to that game. There are winners and losers. If you know the rules in advance, it gives you a head start. If men know the rules by which you are playing, you may change the rules to suit the situation to keep the man guessing. Men love a challenge, so feel free to adapt rules and add them as you feel inclined.
You can separate rules out into two parts, dating and online dating. Both areas have distinct rules that a woman should follow for dating success.
General Dating Rules

• Always look great, whatever your income. Gorgeous hair and some lipstick with rags will still turn his head. You have the advantage. You are the woman. Look your best as you could meet a potential Mr. Right anywhere at any time.
• Never reveal information you don't have to. An enigmatic woman drives men wild.
• Keep dates brief, but your men interested. Less is always more.
• Try and stay in shape and involve some fitness regime at a gym. However much you hate it, your Mr. Right loves your body as much as your mind.
• Let your man pay. If he is interested, he is interested enough to ensure you eat well and get home safely in a cab.
• Ensure you receive flowers. If he doesn't know what a florist is, dump him.
• Never ever sleep with a guy until he has fallen for you. Sex early in your dating game plan will ruin everything.
• Always keep a guy waiting and never turn up early. It is a lady's perogative.
• Never be available when he wants you to be. Never be at the end of a phone when he calls and always let him leave a message or two first before replying.
• If he is available Tuesday, you are available Thursday.
• Weekend shopping trips with girlfriends are sacred and not available for dates.
• Keep your man standing on quicksand by shifting landmarks and goalposts constantly.
• Ensure you are a good kisser. Men will walk away if you cannot kiss. Practice on a mirror if you have to.
• Never ever talk about previous boyfriends, particularly their prowess in the bedroom. Your ex-boyfriends are your business only.
• Never assume anything about your date until you choose to know him better. You cannot always tell by looking.
• If any man shows the slightest signs of possessiveness or insecurity, run like the wind. Life is too short for boys.
• If his shoes or hygiene are a disgrace, dump him.
• Never talk too much about your father and how your date measures up in comparison.
• Never ever come across as too available or too desperate. He will run a mile. He is the one doing the chasing.
• If the guy in the corner is gorgeous, go get him and create the need in him for you. Never wait for men to come to you because you may watch him leave with someone else.
• You may well have all the bodily functions of a man, just try not to demonstrate them early on.
• If you want a child, don't mention it on the first few dates.
• Never ever criticize his mother unless you want to remain single.

Online Dating Rules

• Always let them come to you, don't chase them via email.
• Block anyone who annoys you instantly.
• Post the best and most vampish photo you can find.
• Don't reply to instant messages with clever opening lines.
• Remain aloof and let yourself be chased.
• Always reply to emails at least 3 days after receipt.
• Never provide your real email or phone details.
• Always date safely and protect yourself at every turn.
• Make sure your login name is stunning and sexy, as well as enigmatic.
• Do not login for hours on end. Short, rapid visits are best.
• Do not assume the person you are talking to is destitute or sad.
• Never ever reply to emails on weekends. Wait until a weekday.
• Never state how good your sexual performance is in your profile.
• If you don't want to date married men, spell it out in your profile.
• A man who doesn't reply to your email within 3 days should be ignored.
• Make sure your humor levels come across in text.
• Do not chat to hundreds of men at once. The delay in replying is a dead giveaway and your Mr. Right will be off.
• Don't even think about misrepresenting your size or description. They will find out.
• Come across as cool and sophisticated for best results

Ladies, always remember that you are a sexy, desirable woman and the world is your oyster. Always let men do the chasing and always allow yourself to be the chooser. Always stay safe and never risk yourself for the sake of attending a date. Always use a safe dating Website.

 

Tips to Boost your Daytime Dating Success

When I first started going out to meet women I might have spoken to a woman for twenty minutes and hardly be remembered when I followed up with her. On the other hand, there are now beautiful women I have dated after having an initial interaction with that was under a minute. Despite the brief interaction, these women remembered exactly who I was when I followed up with them, and associated positive feelings with me.

This article will give you some practical advice you can immediately start applying in order to stand out from the crowd and be successful.
Let your passions shine through
If you’re not living an interesting life, then it won’t matter how you present yourself to women over the long run. No matter what clothes you wear, how much money you have, or what car you drive, women will not want to spend time with you.
The best way to become an interesting person is to find your passion in life by living out your dreams. If you need inspiration, watch Randy Pausch’s “Last Lecture” on YouTube, or pick up the book by the same name. Another great book to read if you feel like you haven’t done enough in your life is Yes Man by Danny Wallace. The hero of the story realizes one day how boring his life is and decides to say “Yes” to every opportunity that presents itself to him for a year. It’s an inspirational story and I think we can all learn from it.
Do something unexpected
When something unexpected happens to a person, they are more likely to remember it. Most people do not remember their commute to work on any given day. That’s because 90% of the time it’s always the same. However, if there was a big fire at a building you always pass on your commute, you can be sure that day’s commute will not be soon forgotten.
This is why when you read about the adventures of Love Systems dating coaches it seems like we often do or say such random things. Since it’s different, it catches people’s attention, and it’s memorable. However, doing something different does not necessarily mean doing something outlandish, and it definitely does not mean doing something weird (unless you really know what you’re doing).
Approaching a girl on the street to tell her that you really like her style and that you had to come over to find out some more about her is different. First, it’s different since she is not used to strangers approaching her in the street. Second, the approach method is different – instead of hooting and hollering you are being bold and direct, yet in a respectful manner. By becoming more memorable you’re inherently increasing your odds of success when you follow up.
Be Congruent

To have credibility with a woman (especially a beautiful woman that is choosy), you must be congruent. Being congruent means that you have behavior that is consistent with the identity you portray. If you display a particularly personality trait (for example, integrity), congruence requires that you act in a manner consistent for someone that has that trait. I cannot stress the importance of this enough. Women are not stupid – they will notice if you act in an inconsistent manner, and it will severely damage your credibility with them. Do not try to be something you are not.

flirt dating

You're hanging out at a party when, out of nowhere, you suddenly notice someone standing close to you.  In fact, you realize he or she keeps turning up nearby, trying to catch your eye. The two of you start talking and your new friend smiles, laughs, finds excuses to touch you and holds your gaze. This person is clearly flirting with you. How do you know? Because, although you may not realize it, you are already an expert in flirting and body language.
Flirting Demystified
What would dating be without flirting? Flirting is fun, it signals that we're interested in someone and it initiates most successful relationships. Flirting means giving someone your full attention; it means smiling, touching and playing. In the right circumstances, it is a powerful tool. In the wrong circumstances, it can lead to embarrassment and be a complete turn off.
For most people, flirting comes naturally. Many forms of flirting are simply outgrowths of the way you behave when you meet someone you really like and are interested in having a romantic relationship with. However, some flirting is more subtle, making it hard to tell whether you're reading something that's not there into an interaction simply because you want the other person to flirt with you.
For these reasons, it's useful to examine some of the key indicators of flirting, which can prove extremely helpful when trying to figure out if the person across the table is interested in you – and help you express your interest in them!

Body Language

• Prolonged eye contact
• Dilated pupils
• Arched eyebrows
• Winking
• Rapid eye movement and blinking
• Stroking or toying with hair
• Smiling
• Licking of lips
• Touching the lips or teeth with tongue
• Thrusting chest or breasts outward
• Mirroring or copying posture
• Crossing legs
• Leaning inward
• Open-legged posture

Other Behavior

• Any form of touching
• Playing with hands
• Fidgeting nervously
• Shy avoidance of eye contact
• Standing on one leg or shifting weight back and forth

Conversation

• Laughter
• Whispering
• Personal questions, especially about relationship status
• Singling someone out in a group for conversation and questions

However you flirt, keep in mind that flirting should indicate your interest in getting to know someone -- in a polite, respectful and tactful way.  Using cheesy pickup lines, being too aggressive, touching inappropriately or being in any way vulgar or rude will get you not only turned down but also probably slapped. Flirting is designed to make the person you're flirting with feel attractive and special, not intimidated.
Once you've established that someone is flirting with you – or your own flirting has gotten a positive response – it's time to start thinking about how to propose a first date. Mutual flirting of the type listed above usually means the other person is interested in getting to know you better. However, be wary of people who are flirtatious, even though they're in committed relationships. Some people either can't help being flirty, have an open relationship or simply don't care whether their partner is hurt by their behavior. While it can be tempting to flirt with this kind of person -- particularly if they're attractive, interesting and initiate the flirting – keep in mind that the point of flirting is to show interest in someone you'd like to get to know better, and people who're already attached to someone else are off limits.
Being confident about your flirting is the best way to make sure it is well-received. Nothing is sexier than confidence – nothing, that is, except someone who knows how to flirt effectively. Now get out there and start smiling!

MEANING OF DATING

Dating is a form of courtship consisting of social activities done by two persons with the aim of each assessing the other's suitability as a partner in an intimate relationship or as a spouse. While the term has several senses, it usually refers to the act of meeting and engaging in some mutually agreed upon social activity in public, together, as a couple.
The protocols and practices of dating, and the terms used to describe it, vary considerably from country to country. The most common sense is two people trying out a relationship and exploring whether they're compatible by going out together in public as a couple, and who may or may not yet be having sexual relations, and this period of courtship is sometimes seen as a precursor to engagement or marriage

Dating etiquette

Although dating etiquette has become more relaxed during the twentieth and twenty first century, there are considerable differences between social and personal values. Each culture has its particular patterns. For example, when an activity costs money (such as a movie or a meal), the man was expected to pay, particularly on the first date, in countries like the United States. More recently the practice of "going Dutch" (splitting the expenses) has become more common and acceptable. Conversely, among some cultures, such as the Karen people in Burma and Thailand, women are expected to write love poetry and give gifts to win over the man. Frequency of dating varies by person and situation; among single persons actively seeking partners, 36% had been on no dates in the past three months, 13% had one date, 22% had two to four dates and 25% had five or more dates, according to a 2005 U.S. survey. While equality between the sexes has changed dating, men are generally expected to ask women out and pay for the first date.

Unusual circumstances such as a river splashdown can bring couples together, including a man and woman aboard this flight.

Dating can be stressful, particularly since one is being evaluated while conducting an evaluation oneself, and some Internet email chatters have delayed meeting potential mates because of the stress factor of a romantic encounter with a stranger. It is a tough evaluation, and almost all daters will run into rejection or be ignored, but dating advisers counsel not to take it personally. There is a general tendency to avoid confrontations when trying to end a dating relationship; in Britain, 30% of all relationships are ended face-to-face, suggesting 70% are ended by not returning emails or phone calls, or by letter. Traumatic events can sometimes cause people to start dating; for example, two passengers aboard US Airways Flight 1549, which crashed in the Hudson River but without loss of life, began dating afterwards.

Flirting is generally part of dating. One study in 2010 of 5,100 people suggested that people have one of five basic "flirting styles": physical, traditional, polite, sincere and playful, and researchers advised that it helps to understand what one's natural style is.

A nature walk can be an ideal setting for a second or third date, like this one outside Clevedon, New Zealand. First dates should be in public places, generally, according to some advisors, particularly if the couple doesn't know each other well.

Dating advisers distinguish between the first date and subsequent dates. The first one should be simple such as going for coffee or after-dinner drinks, since a quick getaway may be necessary. Second dates can be more expensive and adventurous such as a dance or craft class. On all dates, the "key is conversation" so be relaxed and be able to chat freely; for this reason, dating at a movie is advisable only if followed by a drink afterwards. One dater in China found the language barrier to be a huge obstacle to romance "you have to be able to talk to someone.

Advice for men

Advice for men varies by culture and includes such issues as dressing neatly, being polite and positive, giving gifts, avoiding self-deprecatory humor, paying attention to your partner, and so forth. Some dating advisors offer a complete plan about how to approach and attract women which includes guidelines about what to wear, how to act, make love, and how to be confident. One dating adviser suggested that smart men have a tougher time dating, since they're more focused on personal achievements and expect love based on their personal academic prowess; sometimes they fail to consider less intelligent women as possible mates, and often lack romantic skills. One advised "quit thinking girls should like you because you're smart" and commented "a woman will like you based on how you make her feel ... so make her feel stuff - preferably good stuff." There is disagreement about how much of a financial role men should play in dating. One view is that men should pay for the dates, particularly for the first date; a contrary view is that paying for dates is equivalent to trying to "buy your way into a woman's favor" and is counterproductive. There is stronger sentiment that men should take the initiative in dating, and not let a fear of rejection prevent them from asking women out on dates.

Advice for women

In 1995 the book The Rules appeared. Columnist Maureen Dowd described it as a "dating bible" encouraging women to play "prefeminist mind games" such as "don't stay on the phone for more than 10 minutes" and "when you're with a man you like, be quiet and mysterious, act ladylike, cross your legs and smile" and to appear "busy and important."  Women can return to "hunting their quarry" but women are advised to play elaborate games to make men think that the men are the hunters when they're not. British writer Kira Cochrane of The Guardian found the book The Rules to be confining since it urged women to "laugh at all their date's jokes", never ask a man to dance, and appear "challenging" since "men are born to respond to challenge." Cochrane's problems with rules were that they relied on "objectionable, outdated notions of masculinity and femininity" and urge people to suppress their gut instinct, and they "make a game and a chore out of something that should be natural and fun and overwhelming."  But writer Bibi van der Zee, initially skeptical of the advice, tried it and found it made the men she dated "keener" to keep going out with her; she found herself to be "calm, unflappable" and, based on the advice, she would leave early on a date, appear busy, not phone him back.  While she worried about appearing to be a "game-playing bitch", she was surprised that the strategy worked; she married and became known to her friends as The Rules Girl.
Christian Carter in Paris Woman Journal counsels women to avoid making mistakes with men, such as trying to convince him to love you, expecting a relationship to make you happy, misreading men, and sharing deep feelings too soon.^[

Matchmaking systems and services

Dating systems can be systematic and organized ways to improve matchmaking by using rules or technology. The meeting can be in-person or live as well as separated by time or space such as by telephone or email or chat-based. The purpose of the meeting is for the two persons to decide whether to go on a date in the future.

• Speed dating. These organized matchmaking events have multiple single persons meet one-on-one in brief timed sessions so that singles can assess further whether to have subsequent dates. An example is meeting perhaps twenty potential partners in a bar with brief interviews between each possible couple, perhaps lasting three minutes in length, and shuffling partners. In Shanghai, one event featured eight-minute one-on-one meetings in which participants were pre-screened by age and education and career, and which costs 50 yuan ($6 USD) per participant; participants are asked not to reveal contact information during the brief meeting with the other person, but rather place names in cards for organizers to arrange subsequent dates. Advantages of speed dating: efficiency; "avoids an embarrassing disaster date"; cost-effective; way to make friends. Disadvantages: it can turn into a beauty contest with only a few good-looking participants getting most offers, while less attractive peers received few or no offers; critics suggest that the format prevents factors such as personality and intelligence from emerging, particularly in large groups with extra-brief meeting times.

• Video dating systems of the 1980s and 1990s especially, where customers gave a performance on (typically VHS) video, which was viewable by other customers, usually in private, in the same facility. Some services would record and play back videos for men and women on alternate days to minimize the chance that customers would meet each other on the street.

• Phone dating systems of about the same vintage, where customers call a common voice mail or phone-chat server at a common local phone number, and are connected with other (reputed) singles, and typically charged by the minute as if it were a long-distance call (often a very expensive one). A key problem of such systems was that they were hard to differentiate from a phone porn service or "phone sex" where female operators are paid to arouse male customers and have no intention of ever dating them.

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