MEANING OF DATING

Dating is a form of courtship consisting of social activities done by two persons with the aim of each assessing the other's suitability as a partner in an intimate relationship or as a spouse. While the term has several senses, it usually refers to the act of meeting and engaging in some mutually agreed upon social activity in public, together, as a couple.
The protocols and practices of dating, and the terms used to describe it, vary considerably from country to country. The most common sense is two people trying out a relationship and exploring whether they're compatible by going out together in public as a couple, and who may or may not yet be having sexual relations, and this period of courtship is sometimes seen as a precursor to engagement or marriage

Dating etiquette

Although dating etiquette has become more relaxed during the twentieth and twenty first century, there are considerable differences between social and personal values. Each culture has its particular patterns. For example, when an activity costs money (such as a movie or a meal), the man was expected to pay, particularly on the first date, in countries like the United States. More recently the practice of "going Dutch" (splitting the expenses) has become more common and acceptable. Conversely, among some cultures, such as the Karen people in Burma and Thailand, women are expected to write love poetry and give gifts to win over the man. Frequency of dating varies by person and situation; among single persons actively seeking partners, 36% had been on no dates in the past three months, 13% had one date, 22% had two to four dates and 25% had five or more dates, according to a 2005 U.S. survey. While equality between the sexes has changed dating, men are generally expected to ask women out and pay for the first date.

Unusual circumstances such as a river splashdown can bring couples together, including a man and woman aboard this flight.

Dating can be stressful, particularly since one is being evaluated while conducting an evaluation oneself, and some Internet email chatters have delayed meeting potential mates because of the stress factor of a romantic encounter with a stranger. It is a tough evaluation, and almost all daters will run into rejection or be ignored, but dating advisers counsel not to take it personally. There is a general tendency to avoid confrontations when trying to end a dating relationship; in Britain, 30% of all relationships are ended face-to-face, suggesting 70% are ended by not returning emails or phone calls, or by letter. Traumatic events can sometimes cause people to start dating; for example, two passengers aboard US Airways Flight 1549, which crashed in the Hudson River but without loss of life, began dating afterwards.

Flirting is generally part of dating. One study in 2010 of 5,100 people suggested that people have one of five basic "flirting styles": physical, traditional, polite, sincere and playful, and researchers advised that it helps to understand what one's natural style is.

A nature walk can be an ideal setting for a second or third date, like this one outside Clevedon, New Zealand. First dates should be in public places, generally, according to some advisors, particularly if the couple doesn't know each other well.

Dating advisers distinguish between the first date and subsequent dates. The first one should be simple such as going for coffee or after-dinner drinks, since a quick getaway may be necessary. Second dates can be more expensive and adventurous such as a dance or craft class. On all dates, the "key is conversation" so be relaxed and be able to chat freely; for this reason, dating at a movie is advisable only if followed by a drink afterwards. One dater in China found the language barrier to be a huge obstacle to romance "you have to be able to talk to someone.

Advice for men

Advice for men varies by culture and includes such issues as dressing neatly, being polite and positive, giving gifts, avoiding self-deprecatory humor, paying attention to your partner, and so forth. Some dating advisors offer a complete plan about how to approach and attract women which includes guidelines about what to wear, how to act, make love, and how to be confident. One dating adviser suggested that smart men have a tougher time dating, since they're more focused on personal achievements and expect love based on their personal academic prowess; sometimes they fail to consider less intelligent women as possible mates, and often lack romantic skills. One advised "quit thinking girls should like you because you're smart" and commented "a woman will like you based on how you make her feel ... so make her feel stuff - preferably good stuff." There is disagreement about how much of a financial role men should play in dating. One view is that men should pay for the dates, particularly for the first date; a contrary view is that paying for dates is equivalent to trying to "buy your way into a woman's favor" and is counterproductive. There is stronger sentiment that men should take the initiative in dating, and not let a fear of rejection prevent them from asking women out on dates.

Advice for women

In 1995 the book The Rules appeared. Columnist Maureen Dowd described it as a "dating bible" encouraging women to play "prefeminist mind games" such as "don't stay on the phone for more than 10 minutes" and "when you're with a man you like, be quiet and mysterious, act ladylike, cross your legs and smile" and to appear "busy and important."  Women can return to "hunting their quarry" but women are advised to play elaborate games to make men think that the men are the hunters when they're not. British writer Kira Cochrane of The Guardian found the book The Rules to be confining since it urged women to "laugh at all their date's jokes", never ask a man to dance, and appear "challenging" since "men are born to respond to challenge." Cochrane's problems with rules were that they relied on "objectionable, outdated notions of masculinity and femininity" and urge people to suppress their gut instinct, and they "make a game and a chore out of something that should be natural and fun and overwhelming."  But writer Bibi van der Zee, initially skeptical of the advice, tried it and found it made the men she dated "keener" to keep going out with her; she found herself to be "calm, unflappable" and, based on the advice, she would leave early on a date, appear busy, not phone him back.  While she worried about appearing to be a "game-playing bitch", she was surprised that the strategy worked; she married and became known to her friends as The Rules Girl.
Christian Carter in Paris Woman Journal counsels women to avoid making mistakes with men, such as trying to convince him to love you, expecting a relationship to make you happy, misreading men, and sharing deep feelings too soon.^[

Matchmaking systems and services

Dating systems can be systematic and organized ways to improve matchmaking by using rules or technology. The meeting can be in-person or live as well as separated by time or space such as by telephone or email or chat-based. The purpose of the meeting is for the two persons to decide whether to go on a date in the future.

• Speed dating. These organized matchmaking events have multiple single persons meet one-on-one in brief timed sessions so that singles can assess further whether to have subsequent dates. An example is meeting perhaps twenty potential partners in a bar with brief interviews between each possible couple, perhaps lasting three minutes in length, and shuffling partners. In Shanghai, one event featured eight-minute one-on-one meetings in which participants were pre-screened by age and education and career, and which costs 50 yuan ($6 USD) per participant; participants are asked not to reveal contact information during the brief meeting with the other person, but rather place names in cards for organizers to arrange subsequent dates. Advantages of speed dating: efficiency; "avoids an embarrassing disaster date"; cost-effective; way to make friends. Disadvantages: it can turn into a beauty contest with only a few good-looking participants getting most offers, while less attractive peers received few or no offers; critics suggest that the format prevents factors such as personality and intelligence from emerging, particularly in large groups with extra-brief meeting times.

• Video dating systems of the 1980s and 1990s especially, where customers gave a performance on (typically VHS) video, which was viewable by other customers, usually in private, in the same facility. Some services would record and play back videos for men and women on alternate days to minimize the chance that customers would meet each other on the street.

• Phone dating systems of about the same vintage, where customers call a common voice mail or phone-chat server at a common local phone number, and are connected with other (reputed) singles, and typically charged by the minute as if it were a long-distance call (often a very expensive one). A key problem of such systems was that they were hard to differentiate from a phone porn service or "phone sex" where female operators are paid to arouse male customers and have no intention of ever dating them.